How Pride Affects Relationships

What is the psychology of pride?

Pride is a measure of self-concept that runs along a spectrum which dictates its expressive outcome. On one end, confidence is experienced and on the other, insecurity. People struggling with pride will vacillate along this spectrum in response to stimuli in their environment, eg. criticism, praise, doubt, etc. A healthy measure of pride will always skew towards a sense of worth and self-esteem while an unhealthy measure will result in negative traits of aggression and defensiveness. 

How can it affect intimacy in your relationship?

Individuals struggling with pride can become irreproachable to their partner. Because they’ve regularly exercised a self-concept that elevates themself, it becomes very difficult to engage in a relationship where both partners inherently have equal value and worth. As a result, trust erodes over time and with it, the ability to be vulnerable in intimacy. 

Can it hurt your romantic relationship?

Pride also impacts romantic relationships by threatening to redirect the focus and attention of interactions onto oneself. In this situation, it doesn’t matter which end of the spectrum pride lies on; if excessive, its effects are still negative. With overconfidence, partners may always be on the lookout for the praise and recognition they believe they deserve, with big personalities that threaten to overshadow the relationship itself. With insecurity, partners risk making all interactions and issues about themself when it might not be the case at all. Because pride is ultimately preoccupied with the self, the connection and intimacy necessary for romance in relationships will always be jeopardized.

How can I start addressing it?

Pride is developed from our own unique experiences and looks different for everyone. Take the time to explore the source of your pride and what accomplishments, emotions, and abilities it might be rooted in. When did you start feeling this way? What messages about pride did you grow up receiving from your peers, family, and society? When you take the time to explore the core challenges and questions that drive your pride, you will be most equipped to handle it.

This article was originally written for Psychcentral.