Navigating Pre-Wedding Anxiety
Anxiety around wedding planning is a challenge many couples are facing in a post-covid era. While it is completely normal for anxieties to crop up, we want to minimize any meaning making of that anxiety and focus our efforts on learning to work with it rather than against it. This will allow you to experience the joy and love you deserve to feel on your big day.
There are many reasons why anxiety around your wedding or getting married might come up that have nothing to do with whether you’re marrying the “right” person. Understanding that you’re not alone in these fears can help you move through the anxiety instead of feeling stuck.
Life is already overwhelming outside of wedding planning, in addition to potential unsolicited advice from well-intentioned family and friends, many mixed emotions can arise when approaching this important milestone. For many individuals, unresolved emotional issues from their challenging past can surface. These issues may include experiencing parents’ divorce, an insecure attachment style with main caregivers, experience of abuse or abandonment, etc. These experiences can prevent you from seeing marriage as a blank slate, one that you get to decide how it goes. Trusting that the past won’t repeat itself can be hard and your anxiety makes sense.
When dealing with pre-wedding anxiety here are some concrete steps that you can take to support your own well-being.
Identify where the anxiety is coming from. It may be due to one of the reasons listed above or something else that is asking to be looked at. Invite curiosity in and shelf any judgment for the time being. Remember that this is about tending to your emotional needs to move forward, which may include working with a therapist who can offer support.
In order to get clear on your internal voice, it is important to set healthy boundaries with the people in your life whose input may be adding to the stress and overwhelm. An example of a healthy boundary might be, “I appreciate you wanting to help but I’d like to set aside some time to gain clarity on the type of wedding I’m looking for first. I’ll reach out when I’m ready for your input.” An honest conversation from the get-go will help minimize unnecessary stress in the process.
Take time to connect with the self. Strengthening your relationship with yourself will ensure the decisions you make reflect your true desires, rather than others’. Engage in grounding activities that are helpful and accessible to you, such as taking walks, doing meditation and deep breathing exercises, taking a bath, etc. Be intentional while you do this and invite mindfulness to the present moment.
Ask yourself what you are looking for from a wedding and marriage. Take the time to write your own script of what these things mean to you and what you want the experience to be like, outside of past experiences, external pressure, or fear. What is your ideal outcome? Browse wedding photos of various styles and ask yourself the following questions: Can I picture myself getting married in this type of venue? What color themes and decorations would resonate the most with me? Who are the people I would love to have in my wedding?
Equally as important as setting boundaries with those who are contributing to your sense of stress or confusion is letting trusted support in. Confide in others about how you’re feeling. You don’t need to be alone in your fears; connection can provide relief from the anxious thoughts that arise.
Allow this process to naturally unfold. Try to give yourself as much time as you need or can as you go through the above steps. Seek support from a mental health professional if needed. The road towards marriage can be one of empowerment and self discovery with the right tools.
Need support managing your anxiety about wedding planning or entering marriage? Contact us to set up a brief consultation call and find out how our therapists at Vivid World Psychology can help you.